The Perfect Stallion
by Mattnextus
Summary: Kristoff will be all alone this Valentine's Day, but Anna's going to do her best to not let that happen! Now a series of one-shots! Modern AU, sometimes not, mentions of Elsanna, no continuity between chapters. Now updating on Tuesdays!
1. Chapter 1

_Just a quick one-shot that I came up with while mowing the lawn. Really didn't want to wait until Valentine's Day to post it. Enjoy!_

Sitting across the lunch table from Elsa, Anna was poking at her food – some kind of potato salad of some sort. You can never tell with cafeteria food. Anna, however, rarely stopped even long enough to breathe when she was eating, so Elsa knew something was wrong.

"What's up, Anna?" Elsa asked, glancing up from her textbook.

Anna looked up at Elsa, setting her fork down. "Elsa, you know Valentine's Day is coming up, right?"

"Of course, I wouldn't forget. Don't try to weasel my plans out of me, though, it's a surprise," Elsa said with a smirk.

"No, no, I wouldn't do that!" Anna said quickly, before muttering a curse under her breath. "It's just – we have each other for Valentine's Day, but Kristoff doesn't have a special somebody. It doesn't seem fair."

"And that's our problem… How?" Elsa asked. "Kris is fully capable of finding someone on his own."

"But he's my best friend, Elsa! I don't want him to be lonely!" Anna pushed her plate away and cleared her throat before standing up. Elsa could swear she heard music in the background.

"Kristoff sure is sweet and kind," Anna sang lightly.

"What are you-"

"He's the bestest friend that I could hope foooor!"

"Anna, stop this right now."

"The perfect stallion you and I must fiiiind-"

"No, Anna. Wait, stallion? Why a stallion?"

"One to really make his heart soo~aaa~aarrrr!"

"Oh god, Anna, please just-"

"Buuuuuuut-"

Elsa heaved a huge sigh in preparation for what came next.

"This one's too young," Anna sang, pointing at a little Freshman named Olaf. "This one's too old," she continued, gesturing towards Mr. Weselton. "He clearly has a terrible cold."

The boy Anna gestured to sneezed as if to prove her point.

"This one's too silly," she sang, patting a juggling boy on the head. "He's way too uptight!"

"I say!" Hans grumbled.

Elsa sighed and rolled her eyes, gesturing towards the gigantic senior, Marshall. "There's nothing wrong with this one, he seems all riiiiiight!"

Anna looked at Elsa flatly, crossing her arms. "His girlfriend sure thinks so," she said.

Elsa looked back toward Marshall. "Oh. Oops."

"How 'bout this one?"

"He's much too flashy. He might do!"

"If he weren't so splashy," Anna sang grumpily as she wiped water from her face. The jock Elsa gestured towards had attempted to squirt water into his mouth from his water bottle, but he had tragically missed.

"Too short, too tall!"

"Too clean, too smelly!" Anna grinned. "Even for Kristoff."

"Too strangely obsessed with tubs of jellyyyyyy," Elsa watched a boy stick his fingers into a jar of jelly and then lick the jelly off his fingers. "I think I might be sick…"

"I don't think that we're mistaken," Anna sang sadly, leaning up against Elsa.

"It seems all the good ones are taken," Elsa agreed, patting Anna on the head.

"I really feel that at this rate, we'll never find the perfect date-"

"-Don't want to quit and give up hope!"

Anna tapped a boy on the shoulder and smiled at him. "Doing anything special for Valentine's day?"

"Oh please, oh please, oh please say-"

"Uh… No?"

Anna slapped Elsa's shoulder playfully. "We did it, Els, we found the o~ne who will set poor Kristoff's heart aflutter!"

Elsa stopped smiling, realizing what had just happened. "Wait a minute, let me get this straight – Are you talking about Sven, the reindeer?!"

The music stopped and the two girls glanced back at the boy they had chosen. He wore a headband with little reindeer antlers on it and had nothing but carrots on his tray for lunch.

"Um, well."

*Ahem*

Anna and Elsa turned around, finding Kristoff standing behind them.

"So, uh… I appreciate the effort and all. But you girls know I'm straight, right?"

Anna looked up at Elsa. "Oh."


	2. Chapter 2

Big Brother, Best Friend Forever

_A/N: So, I've decided to keep going with this. This is basically going to become a fic that pokes fun at all the Elsanna tropes I notice in the fandom. This one revolves around the idea of Hans as Anna's brother, yet he seems to still be an antagonist most of the time. Anyway, just silly things. Don't expect any of the chapters to go together, they're all stand-alone pieces._

_~Matt_

Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff sat on the couch in Anna's living room, and though the TV was on none of them could tell you what was playing. They had been talking all evening, learning about each other and laughing over little jokes here and there. They made a good trio, spending time together so that they wouldn't have to be alone. Late into the evening, the friends finally talked about their families.

"I dunno about my real parents," Kristoff said. "I was passed from foster family to foster family until I was eighteen and could make it on my own. I had a couple good families over the years, but none of 'em stuck with me. All I have now is you guys."

"My parents are alive," Elsa said, "but they might as well be dead, I never see them. Always off on some trip, be it business or pleasure. The only reason I know they're alive is because my rent's still being paid and money is deposited into my account every month."

"My parents passed when I was sixteen. Car accident, not pretty. My older brother, Hans, stayed with me until I turned eighteen, but then he had to go away for college," Anna said, sighing. "I haven't seen him in months."

"What's he like?" Elsa asked.

Kristoff grinned. "You just opened a huge can of worms, girl."

Elsa wondered what Kristoff meant, but she got her answer soon enough. She thought she heard music in the background as Anna stood up and walked to the middle of the room.

"When I was just a filly, I found it rather silly – to see how many other people I could meet," Anna sang, smiling.

Elsa looked over at Kristoff, mouthing the word "filly" at him as a question. Kristoff smiled, shrugged, and turned back to Anna.

"I had my books to read, didn't know that I would ever need other people to make my life complete," Anna continued. "But there was one guy that I cared for, I knew he would be there fo~or meeee-"

Elsa raised an eyebrow, looking between Anna and Kristoff.

"My big brother, best friend forever! Like two peas in a pod, we did everything together. He taught me how to fly a kite!"

"Best friend fo~rever," Kristoff chimed in.

"We never had a single fight."

"You did everything together!"

"We shared our hopes, we shared our dre~ams," Anna's smile faded, replaced by a slight frown. "I miss him more than I realized, it seems…"

Elsa, feeling bad for the younger girl, chimed in with Kristoff. "Your big brother, best friend forever! Like two peas in a pod, you did everything together!"

"And though he's oh so far away, I hope that he would sta~y…" Anna looked longingly out the window, wringing her hands together. "My big brother best friend… Forever… Foreve~er."

"Oh Anna," Elsa said softly. "I'm sure your brother loves you and misses you too."

"I know, he still writes me sometimes," Anna said, sitting back down on the couch between Elsa and Kristoff. "I just wish I could go see him."

"Why can't you? He can't be that far away at university," Elsa said, not noticing Kristoff shaking his head and waving his arms.

"He's not at university anymore," Anna said softly. "He's in federal prison, high security. Tried to kill some government bigwig in a crazy scheme to gain power or something. As far as I know, he'll be in there forever." She sighed, looking out the window once again. "He was my big brother best friend… Foreve~r, and now we'll never do anything… Together…" she sang softly.

"He tried to kill someone?" Elsa asked.

"He always was kind of an asshole," Kristoff said, shrugging. "Power hungry from day one. Probably best he got locked up, he'd probably be finding some way to run for political office right now."

Anna laughed. "He's a charmer, too, he would've had no problem getting elected. Kristoff's right, the world's better off with Hans locked up."

Elsa looked back and forth at Anna and Kristoff. "What the hell is with these mood swings? If you were so close, why are you laughing at him being locked up for life?"

Anna shrugged. "I miss my old brother, the one who took care of me. When he left for college, Hans started ignoring me. Didn't answer the phone, didn't text, nothing. One day he picked up the phone and told me: 'Anna, stop bothering me. You're nothing but a nuisance and I don't love you,'" Anna had dropped her voice to imitate her brother, which made Kristoff laugh. "Since then, I haven't given a single shit. Plus, I have Kristoff! And you! I don't need Hans to be happy anymore. I'm not the little girl who kept her nose buried in books and only paid attention to my brother."

"That's right," Kristoff said, ruffling Anna's hair. "I'm the new big brother, best friend forever. And you're… Well… You're… Uh…" He trailed off, looking between Elsa and Anna.

"We have plenty of time to figure that out," Elsa said, laughing. "Big brother, best friend forever doesn't really suit me."


	3. Chapter 3

Giggle at the Ghostly

Queen Elsa of Arrendelle woke up screaming in the middle of the night. It was nothing new, her nightmares were constant. Every night, she woke in the early morning hours, covered in cold sweat and shivering despite not feeling the cold.

That night was different. When Elsa's scream cut off, the queen heard a groaning coming from the covers next to her, and became acutely aware of the warmth draped across her stomach. Anna. She had insisted on a sleepover.

"Whass the matter, Elsa?" Anna mumbled, peeking out from under the covers. "Nightmares?"

"Y-yeah," Elsa said. "Nothing to worry about, just go back to sleep."

Anna sat up, a grin forming on her face. Elsa raised an eyebrow at her sleepy sister and could swear that she heard music floating in through the window.

"You know," Anna said mischievously. She reached out and touched Elsa's shoulder as she started to sing. "When I was a little filly and the sun was going do~own."

"Please tell me you're not –"

"The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me fro~own."

"You are… Wait, filly? What?"

"I'd hide under my pillows, from what I thought I saw, but Gerda and Kai said that wasn't the way to deal with fears at a~ll!"

Elsa sighed. "Then what is?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"They said, 'Anna, you've gotta stand up tall, learn to face your fe~ars! You'll see that they can't hurt you, just laugh to make them disappear!'"

Elsa stared at Anna as if she had grown a second head.

"Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Are you done yet?"

"Sooooooo, giggle at the ghostly, guffaw at the grossly!"

"I don't think grossly is a word, Anna…"

"Crack up at the creepy, whoop it up with the weepy!"

"Whoop it up?"

"Chortle at the kooky, snortle at the spooky…"

"Where are you getting these words?"

"And tell that big dumb scary face to take a hike and leave you alone and if he thinks he can scare you then he's got another thing coming andtheveryideaofsuchayhingjustmakesyouwanna..." Anna took a deep breath and began laughing, pulling her sister into a hug.

"Laaaaaauuuuuugh!" Anna finished, grinning.

"Did that really just happen?" Elsa asked, wrapping her arms around Anna's waist.

Anna giggled, dragging Elsa back under the covers and cuddling up as close as possible. "You don't have to be scared, Elsa. The past is in the past, and I'm here now. We're together and we're strong," she said.

Elsa slept the rest of that night was a small smile on her face, no longer plagued by nightmares.

_A/N: I totally meant to post this on Tuesday, but I forgot my flash drive in my other sweatshirt. Updates will be on Tuesdays from here on out, though!_

_I haven't run out of My Little Pony songs yet, but when I do I'll move on to Disney songs! I happily accept suggestions!_

_~Matt_


	4. Chapter 4

Arrens to the Core

On the road to school that her father had walked, as well as her father's father, and so on and so forth, the once long-lost Anna was walking with her brothers and sister on an early spring morning. The sun was shining brightly and Anna stretched, arching her back and raising her arms over her head as she looked at each of her siblings in turn. First was the eldest and her only sister, Elsa Arren. The second eldest was Kristoff Arren, followed by Hans. Anna was the youngest and newest addition to her family as she had disappeared when she was a toddler. Now that they had been reunited, Anna couldn't have been happier.

It didn't help that her new family practically owned the whole town. Who would have guessed that she was really a rich kid, huh?

Elsa's ears perked up as she heard music drifting through the streets. "What the-"

"Come on, Arrens!" Anna said, grinning. "You all know this one!"

"What? I don't-"

"We travel the road of generations," Anna sang, skipping ahead of her siblings, "joined by a common bo~ond. We sing our song 'cross the pony nation, from Arrendelle and beyond!"

"What the – pony? Huh?"

Anna's brothers chimed in as she continued singing.

"We're Arrens forever, Arrens together! We're family but so much mo~ore!" Anna linked her arms with Kristoff and Hans, grinning from ear to ear. "No matter what comes, we will face the weather! We're Arrens to the core!"

"There's no place that I'd rather be," Kristoff sang, pulling Elsa close to him, "than walking here with my family! Friends all around come to join and see as we sing out across the land!"

Elsa sighed and rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop a smile from forming as she joined her siblings in song.

"We're Arrens forever, Arrens together! We're family but so much mo~ore!" Elsa looked Anna in the eyes, and wasn't surprised to feel her smile match her younger sister's. That girl had wrapped Elsa around her little finger the moment she had been found.

"No matter what comes, we will face the weather! We're Arrens to the core!"

Reaching out for Anna's hand, Elsa began singing. "We're peas in a pod, we're thick as thieves. Any cliché you can throw at me! We're here for each other through thick and thin," Anna intertwined her fingers with Elsa's, and Elsa squeezed them tightly. "You're always welcome with your Arren kin!"

"Wheeee!" Hans draped his arms over Elsa's and Anna's shoulders, pulling them into a tight hug. "You're more fun than the color pink, or balloons flying over your favorite drink!"

"You're so gay, Hans," Kristoff scoffed, slapping his brother on the back.

Hans grinned at Kristoff before continuing. "The love I feel here is swim, not sink, as we party across this land!"

Kristoff pinched his younger brother's cheek before joining the rest in song. "We're Arrens together, we're Arrens forever! We're family but so much mo~ore! No matter what comes, we will face the weather, we're Arrens to the core!"

Anna stopped walking and pulled all three of her siblings in for a tight hug. Elsa noticed that the younger girl was shaking, so she began rubbing soothing circles into her sister's back.

"I'm so glad you guys found me," Anna said quietly, trying to hold back tears. "This is what I've been looking for my whole life; this is where I belong."

"Of course we found you," Kristoff said, ruffling his little sister's hair. "The Arren family was broken, and we weren't gonna rest until it was whole again."

"What if – what if you never found me?"

"We would have never stopped looking," Hans said with a smile.

"We searched for you for fifteen years before we found you," Elsa said, kissing her sister's forehead. "But we would've searched another fifty if we had to."

* * *

_A/N: Hello everyone! This was a fun one to write, with several tropes involved! The gay Hans trope always cracks me up, and you'll probably see it again later... Read, review, and tune in next week for the next installment!_

_~Matt_


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